Teach Me

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The desired release
Long awaited
Yet still far off

Tears rushing to flow
Yet dammed up
By reasons unknown

Energy and emotion
Stored for another day
For no outlet is found

Instinct not found
For something simple
Remains unknown

Take my hand
Hold me close
And teach me to cry

The Cost Of Me

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Today I feel cryptic………  See if you can figure it out.  Lol.

The fading of the light
Held once by the promise of forever
The light once burned bright and clear
Now burnt to a dull nub and dying

Among the efforts to give all
You lost yourself in your world
I gave you everything you wanted
But in it all you lost me

Our connection once held tight
But your grip was loosened
And lost its desire among
The gifts you’ve received

I watched your heart wander
To your dreams come true
Everything you’ve asked for
I’ve given sacrificially to you

All at the cost of me

 

Us, Then And Now

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Tears fall
In the old world
Shaken
Unto it’s core
Taken
The heart of the poor boy

The way we were

A True Friend

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A true friend
Enters when
Everyone else leaves

A true friend
Listens when
Everyone else speaks

A true friend
Loves when
Everyone else despises

A true friend
Runs to you when
Everyone else runs away

A true friend
One is better then
One hundred of everyone else.

To Play Or Not To Play

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So I’m thinking…….

There’s this folk festival put on by the church that Sara and I got married at and I’m debating on whether or not to play in it.  They don’t use microphones, so I wouldn’t sing as I can’t project my voice to save my life, however I could play some of my original instrumental pieces there.  They aren’t really folk music, but then again half of the people who play there don’t play folk.

Willow’s Folk Festival is an annual weekend long event to raise money for this little, and believe me when I say little, church in the middle of absolutely nowhere.  Willow is, well, a group of 5 old farm houses right next to each other with a church on the end of the row.  It’s in the middle of the sticks, approximately 15 minutes from the nearest “town” consisting of 96 people and 48 dogs as the population sign states.  People show up to the festival from everywhere, some even traveling from clear across the country to be apart of this deal, however I’m pretty sure that the only reason for that is because it’s been going on for over 50 years and therefore probably became a family tradition still kept up after those families moved away.  I say that because most people outside of 30 miles away don’t even know about the festival, given it’s location.  People come and camp out in the cow pasture across the old country road from the church and 90 percent of them are dressed in full hippy garb, especially the teenagers.

Anyway, I’ve worked at the festival for quite a number of years, mainly to keep from paying the $5 price of admission, but have never played there before.  I guess the main reason is because everyone plays their own songs and very few people will ever play by themselves.  I’ve also never played my songs in front of anyone else in public.  It’s a little nerve-racking and therefore much deliberation is being used in this decision-making process.

So tonight I sit and play my guitar, working on the 2 or 3 songs I might play should I have the gumption to get up and share my thoughts and pieces with the hippies in the sticks of Willow……

Freedom To Breathe

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The pressure you feel
The weight you’ve accepted
And placed on your shoulders
Is not yours to bear

The parts to be played
The decisions to be made
By unhealthy beings
Can’t be controlled by you

The role you’ve taken on
The role they’ve given to you
Is an unobtainable feat
That can’t be done by you

The impossible task
Of the puppet master
But how to control the choices
Of a puppet with a plan

The twisted game they play
The one you live day-to-day
You were signed up for
Before the day you were born

It’s not your fault
And I pray for your rest
The space you need to
Find the air to breathe

A Little More About Me (Work)

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Some would call me a workaholic and only a couple have called me lazy (those people don’t know me very well, lol) but I can’t sit still without falling asleep.  Seriously!  If I sit down in front of the T.V. its lights out for me.  I like to watch movies, but it takes me several weeks to get through them most of the time.  I really can’t just sit.  I HAVE to be doing something.  Writing, fishing, or other stationary hobbies are nice because they slow me down and I can rest while keeping my mind active.

I love working.  It gives me such satisfaction to accomplish something and even more so if I can learn something at the same time.  I love doing something new and learning something that I’ve never known before.  One of my side jobs that I work on is for a co-working of mine.  He’s a landlord of several very large properties in town here and he’s always needing help working on something.  I’ve helped him do many different construction project in numerous apartments he owns, but most of the time I find myself in charge of the demo and cleanup crew.  Getting the old junk out-of-the-way to make room for the new is always satisfying, especially when I get more than just the hourly cash wage!  I honestly love doing apartment clean-outs.  People move out and leave so much junk.  Most of it is destroyed or just plain nasty but you can find quite a few things that are really worth something and the best part is I can either keep it or sell it.  Right now I’m trying to move a Grandmother Clock that I managed to snag out of one of the clean-outs I did.  Trying to sell it and get a little extra cash for it.  It’s about 5′ 4″ tall, it’s got a 3 weight-driven movement, and of course, a pendulum.  I’m only asking $300 for it as it needs a small part replaced.  I had a friend stop over to look at it for me.  She works as a clock and watch specialist for a jewelry store and she said it was going to cost about $100 to get it fixed but otherwise it’s in great condition and if it was fully working it’s worth about $600, so my price, as is, is a steal.  The best part is, I didn’t pay for it!  If I’m not acquiring something to use or sell, I’m tearing out scrap metal to turn in for a little extra cash.  There’s nothing like making money 2 or even 3 ways at a time.  If I could keep that going on a regular basis I would quite my job in a heartbeat, but alas, tis impossible right now.

I also work on computers for other people outside of work.  That’s where the money’s at.  I average $80 per hour doing that and without the overhead of a store front and unless I need something special to take care of the job, it’s all profit.  I really need to get more of those jobs as a regular stream of income.  Plus, the challenge of the different issues that keep arising in repairing computers is always fun to figure out.

For my regular day-to-day job I work as I computer technician for John Deere.  I told that to someone I just recently have started to develop a friendship with and I have to say that her response made me laugh pretty hard.  “John Deere?  As in tractors?”  Yes, John Deere as in tractors.  (Thanks for making me smile with that one.  You know who you are!)  It’s a pretty sweet gig and like I’ve mentioned in previous posts, for a guy with no college and no formal training or previous tech positions before this one, I had to work really hard to get this job.  It’s a very large operation where I’m at and it keeps me constantly busy working on anything and everything.  I really love it.

That’s just a little more about me.  Thought I would throw that out there for the masses.  :)

Impact

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The impact our words have
To speak and change a life
Will we ever understand it?

To encourage and feed into
Someone else, if only for
A brief moment in time

The path of their thoughts
And their view of the world
Might never be the same

The Unorganized Pattern

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Thoughts
Failing to take form
Running around like
Uncontrolled madness
Order is not to be found within them

Thoughts
Unable to distinguish
The process too jumbled
Unorganized, scattered
A reckless array of nonsense

Thoughts
Overwhelming my brain
A pattern unconstrained
The heart of which unfound
Among the mess of jumbled words

Thoughts…..

The answer found within is unrecognizable by its interpretor

New Blog

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Ok, so I was looking around and found a new blog that touched my heart so deeply I not only put a link on my Additional Reading sidebar (Thekeyinthedarkness), but I had to make quick mention of it.

http://thekeyinthedarkness.wordpress.com/

She writes her feelings and wears her heart on her sleeve.  For all of you who have read through my story and support me, check out hers.  Thanks all.

 

 

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