I’ve Got Some Catching Up To Do… (A New Idea!)

December 28, 2011

scatteredpeicesofme Just Me Being Me , , , , , , , , , Leave a comment

I hope this post finds you all well, safe, and if possible, happy.  I’ve been real busy lately (probably the most common excuse in the book.. HA!) with family and holiday activities and sorrowfully so have been apart from the sweet folds of the internet…  Yea, I’ve been going crazy.  I’ve been splitting all of my vacation time between both sides of the family and fitting in friends (especially ones whom I haven’t seen much of in a while) as much as possible.  It’s been good, but haven’t had a lot of time to just chill out.  I’ve still got a few more days and I’ve got high hopes that I’ll get a few days to just do whatever prior to my arrival back at work on Tuesday.

I was reading a post from a friend of mine/fellow blogger and I thought it was such a good idea that I wanted to pass this along to my readers:

Poetry is an expression of one’s self, however, poetry can get lost in the typed out word and the impersonal nature of text/internet/instant messaging/email/etc., so why not share it via snail mail, a.k.a. the United States Postal Service?  Here’s the idea: Anyone interested in participating with me in this can let me know.  Via email, we swap mailing addresses.  Then we write something out and send it to the other person!  Now, that’s where the idea from my friend stopped, but I want to take it a step further.  If you feel comfortable with the idea, I will scan your hand-written poem and post it on my blog, giving you full credit of course.  If the idea of letting the world see your handwriting is a little too much for you, I can still type it up in a way that still keeps true to the idea that you portrayed.  And if that’s even too much, just let me know and no post will be made public.  Either way, I’d still like to swap handwritten poetry and my promise to you is that I will write out a BRAND NEW poem to send to all who want to participate.  Sweet deal huh?

Email has been something I’ve been slacking in a little bit.  I’ve been trying to go through as much as possible to keep up on all of the new posts, but currently I’m still staring down 115 new email in my inbox.  It is down from the recent 500 or so, but it’s still much too high for me.  I’m trying to knock it down to a more manageable number, but not having the internet has been a bit of a chore…

The last post I made was titled Letter To A Friend.  The idea behind this post was to put something out there for someone whom I’ve not been able to keep in touch with.  It’s all about giving myself a chance to heal and move past that situation.  I’ve always been told that writing letters, even if never sent, is a great way to get something off your chest.  I think I’m going to be doing this more often.  There are several people whom I miss dearly and either they have passed away or for some reason or another we’ve lost contact.  Keep an eye out for more posts of this nature.

I’ve been developing an idea over the past year and it’s really started to take shape in my head the past few months.  I’m going to be writing a few more stories, but I’ve got one that’s going to take a big more time.  My goal for its completion is next Christmas.  I’ll be giving more details as that unfolds, but for now just know that it’s a familiar story told in an unfamiliar way.

For now, my update is complete.  I’ll be attempting to make a few more posts tonight, but I wanted to start with this one to let you all know where I’ve been and what’s up with me.  Take care and have a safe and wonderful New Year!

Letter To A Friend (Amanda)

December 20, 2011

scatteredpeicesofme Letters , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Hey…  It’s been a while since we’ve talked. I miss you. You were a good friend to me.  Why did it have to end that way? I called, but you were gone.  I tried to find you, but you didn’t want to be found, not by me, not by anybody…  I told you that I would always be there for you and I still would be.

Things are different now since last we spoke.  I’m married now and have three kids.  I life has continued and I have grown up a lot.  I often wonder where you are and where you went.  How are you?  What happened in your life?  Did you ever get married like you wanted to?  Did you ever find your happiness?  I know you told me that I would never understand what you had been through and I never doubted you.  I just wish that you would have allowed me to try to understand what small part of it that I could. My life was hard and yours was harder.

I never told you this before, but I really looked up to you. You were the big sister I always wanted, but never had.  I felt safe with you like I did with no one else.  I trusted you like I never was able to trust before.  I know that you never meant to hurt me when you ran away and I know that if you got the idea in your head to do so that there would be no stopping you.  I also know that you wouldn’t have told anyone that you would be leaving so that they didn’t try to stop you.  I guess you and I aren’t that different in that regard.  I just wanted to say that I wouldn’t have tried to.  All I wanted was for you to be happy, safe, and ok.  I was saddened because you didn’t even let me say goodbye.  No warning, just nothing.  We had even talked a couple of days earlier and you promised me that we would talk again soon. I cried, Amanda…  My heart broke into too many pieces to count and into too small of shards to put them back together again.  It’s ok though.  I learned from that experience that life isn’t fair.  No matter where you or what you’re doing with your life, know that I still care and still think of you from time to time.

The reason I’m writing this to you is more for me that you I suppose.  I know that you’ll probably never find this and I wonder of you would know it was for you if you did.  I’m writing this for me.  I’ve hung on to this for far too long and feel the need to get this out.  You are missed and prayed for.  Please take care of yourself.  Goodbye my friend.

James

Good Evening

December 19, 2011

scatteredpeicesofme Just Me Being Me , , , , , , Leave a comment

Greetings and Salutations.

Lately life has been making itself very real to me.  No matter what happens, life will always keep moving on.

A few weeks ago, my wife’s grandma passed away from an extremely aggressive form of bladder cancer.  They found it around June or so, but it spread so quickly that it only took six months to spread so badly and eventually claim her life.  The funeral was a little over two weeks ago and it was a sad time indeed.  Just one month prior, her and her husband celebrated sixty-three years together.  I have a hell of a time even imagining what 63 years feels like, but I know that it will be here before I even know it.  Hell, I’m damn near half-way there…

I’ve been working a lot lately and haven’t really felt like I’ve had much of a choice in the matter.  This was the first year we were going to be able to do Christmas presents for extended family and even some friends, but it hasn’t worked out so smoothly since my cars have decided to stop working on a consistent basis.  Both cars have broken down twice in the last month or so, but that’s the nature of old cars.  It was a disappointment to me watching that $800 leave bit by bit, but at least I have that second and third job.  At least we aren’t sunk.

I had the opportunity to see a friend of mine this last weekend.  He has told me that in a little over a month he will be living out of his car in the dead of winter as it sounds like he will be forced to move out of his apartment for lack of money.  The middle of winter is not the time for that, especially not in the Midwestern parts of the U.S.  I wish there was something else I could do for him, but I know that I’m barely hanging on and there’s nothing I can really do.  I wish I could help him out, but I can’t and actually I feel helpless when I see people going through financial issues and can’t help.  I guess since I’ve been homeless before it really hits home with me and drives me nuts when I can’t help in the ways I’d like to if at all.  It was good catching up with him and drinking a few beers with him.  It has been a while.

I’ve been working on a few musical pieces, but they are seemingly more complex and are taking a long time to work through and get right.  They will be a few months out before they are posted, but I’m getting increasingly excited about them!

Overall, I’m doing ok.  It’s been a lot to handle, but I’m doing well and mostly keeping my head up.  My friends have been busy and between their schedules and mine, we can’t seem to find a common bit of free time.  It’s actually been a little lonely lately.  I like talking with people and I’m all for conversations, but nothing is quite like having someone over and just hanging out.  I’ve also missed Rachel a bit lately.  I’ve been thinking of her a bit lately, but haven’t talked to her in over a month.  It has helped my marriage a lot, but I do miss her a lot.

Sara and I have been doing considerably better lately.  It’s slow work rebuilding trust on both sides, but progress is still progress.  I’m not going to deny that in the least, but it’s draining and exhausting.  I’ve given up a lot of my free time and extra activities like posting and writing music to help us out and I think it’s worth it, but I’m also getting tired and in desperate need of a break.  I only have to make it through Thursday and I’ve got almost a week and a half off!  Woo hoo!

So that’s been the highlights of my life over the past couple few weeks.  I have missed you all and dearly wish to reconnect to those of you whom which I have developed relationships with through WordPress.  If you’ve got my number, you know you can feel free to give me a shout or a text, and if you don’t have it, but would like to have it, just email me at the email address posted on my Contact Me page.

From me to all of you, Merry Christmas and have a safe and happy New Years.

Tis The Season

December 15, 2011

scatteredpeicesofme Writings , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

Tis the season for holiday cheer
Family and friends drinking cases of beer
‘Til all that’s left, dead soldiers about
The table, the floor, and all through the house

Tis the season for flying reindeer
Hallucinogens taken ’til you swear that you’re queer
Colors of various shades and bright hues
Stop and go look, for they will amuse

Tis the season for the fat jolly elf
And not the little glass one, broken, once displayed on the shelf
Breaking and entering, leaving “presents” behind
Evidence of crimes he hopes the cops will not find

So ho ho ho one and all
May this season find you well
And Merry Christmas to all
May you avoid the bell’s knell

What Would You Say?

December 9, 2011

scatteredpeicesofme Writings , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

What would you say if I went away?
If I vanished into thin air
If you watched me simply dissipate?
Would you bat an eye or shed a tear
Or just wonder where the time went?

I ask this for reasons not of self-pity
But rather, out mere curiosity
A status check of my inner driving force
What kind of impact have I made
In the lives of those around me?

Have I done what I’ve set out to accomplish
To leave those with whom I talk and text
And converse via electronic signals
Better than that which I have found them
Will they be different when I’m gone?

Or have I only taken up space in this life
By making noise like so many others
Like an F in a orchastrated piece of music
Enjoyed for the moment of it’s playing
But soon forgotten when the music stopped?

—

Without knowing how your life is going, how does one know where to go from where they’re at?

The Matriarch Sleeps

December 7, 2011

scatteredpeicesofme Writings , , , , , , , , , 4 Comments

There lay she
The end
Of a beautiful symphony
The matriarch sleep

With flowers and verse
We bury her deep
To sleep
For all eternity

Forever missed
And always cherished
Her works remind
Of love so true

For now we’ve laid her
Down to rest
And pain no more
Take toll again

With words and petal
We lower her down
In bed of ground
While tears flow free

Remember I will
Her song and word
And works that taught
The lessons learned

—

In memory of Jackie Yeoman.  You will be deeply missed.

Ode To Salted Warrior

December 7, 2011

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There he is!
Wait!
Where’d he go?
Disappeared he did
*POOF*
In a cloud of salt
For understand not
The ways
Of the salted warrior

Fight for life
He must
But leave his life
In shambles
He darest not
Struggle he doest
For what is his
And also
For those around

Nay say he care not
For love within
Be true
And what he wishes
In dreams at night
Be to touch all
And leave them
A little yet
More flavorful be

From moonriverrebel: “What is your love language? Are you aware of what your wife’s is?”

December 6, 2011

scatteredpeicesofme Ask Me Anything , , , , , , , , , 2 Comments

A great question.  I have done several posts about what True Love is and love languages are something I have not hit on yet, so this is a great time to talk about it.

What is a love language?  Dr. Gary Chapman explains it in his book “The 5 Love Languages” as a way that people understand and receive love from others.  Basically, when someone does something for us in our love language, we feel loved by that person.  The five areas are as follows: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.  We all understand and “speak” one or more of these languages and when we don’t feel loved in our relationships (assuming that the other person really does love us) it’s because the other person isn’t speaking the same love language as us.  For all of us, one or two of these things are very dominant in our character and our internal makeup, but when the other person doesn’t understand that part of us, it’s difficult for them to know what we need in order to feel the love that they might be attempting to show to us.  Here’s the kicker, by nature, we speak the same language we are expecting to receive.  If the woman in a marriage feels loved when she is touched (hugs, holding hands, cuddling, ect.), but the man tries to show how much he loves her by buying gifts for her and doesn’t spend much time physically touching her, she will not feel that she means as much as he probably tells her that he does.  They are speaking two different love languages.

My love language is composed of Receiving Gifts and Acts of Service.  I feel most loved when I’m bought gifts (they don’t have to be expensive by any means, lol) and when someone goes out of their way to help me, especially when I don’t have to ask for it.  Sara’s love languages are Quality Time and Physical Touch.  Notice that we don’t speak the same languages.  I have no problem with physically touching her, but it’s not in the forefront of my mind, because it’s not one of my love languages.  On the flip side, Sara doesn’t go out of her way to help me as much as I need her to in order to feel loved, because it’s not one of her love languages.

Love languages are a big thing to each of us whether we understand them or not.  We all operate out of them without realizing it and wonder why sometimes it feels like the other person doesn’t love us like they used to.  This is something I need to keep in front of me more often and it will help a lot more in my marriage and other relationships/friendships.

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